The teenager’s romance revealed the dark truth after years

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I learned for the first time about the theory of attachment to the graduate school. The theory, which was established by British psychiatrist John Bulby in the 1960s, proposes that attachment is formed during the first few years of life and determined by the quality of relationships between children and primary care providers. It provides a psychological framework to understand the impact of early relationships with caregivers on relationships between people, behaviors and emotional organization throughout life.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth later expanded in Bowlby’s work by conducting the “strange situation” experience as children left alone for a while before they did not reunite them with their mothers. Based on its observation, Ainsworth concluded that there are different types of attachment, including safe, contradictory insecurity and avoiding. Later, a fourth type of attachment was added, an unorganized attachment, based on its research Mary MainTwo psychologists from the University of California, Berkeley.

During my work, I was rapidly rated online and I was not surprised at all when I learned that I had anxious/insecure-editing and unfortunate narration of unorganized avoidance and fear. The identification of my attachment pattern was a first important step towards obtaining a deeper understanding of how to work in relationships. For example, it made me get to know Millie to separation during difficult emotional experiences. My university friend referred to this behavior as “going to Anna Land”, who seemed to avoid emotionally charged conversations, dreams of vigilance and clouds.

Over the years, the more you learn from the theory of attachments, the more you ask whether the mechanisms of anxious confrontation and the ancient confrontation mechanisms have a relationship with Levy? They appear to be both shared in established and unconscious behavior patterns, and there seem to be clear common denominators between the two – imagination.

When I was young, I adopted many mental and emotional confrontation mechanisms to help me feel safe. These infected strategies have bore separation, avoidance and imagination – to adolescence. At that time, I needed to escape from the reality of my childhood home – my sad mother and unit and my father are not emotionally available. My gay has a lightning penis for all my feelings, whether good or bad. My relationship with Levy helped reduce insecurity and fear of giving up, but Limurnes becomes satisfactory when the person gives priority to a person’s imaginary version on the real version, especially because these two versions often not add.

It took a long time to distort the idea of ​​my experience. Love requires a preparation to meet the other person at the present time, and the truth is some nights that I hide from Levy – in a wardrobe or room room – while he was wandering around my empty dark house looking for me.

Communication with how – and why – created unaccounted confrontation strategies was a pivotal turning point in my emotional development. When I was a child, I was eager to grow with answers and feel certain – to learn to believe in things like God and Red Sox. During adolescence, my identity with mental, emotional and spiritual roaming became to take me. As an adult, I was still using ancient confrontation mechanisms as a means of self -regulation. I knew that if I wanted to be completely independent and present in my life, you needed to allow them to leave.

These days, as a mother and wife, I understand that love is a work and not just a feeling. I am responsible for creating my country at all. Although it is impossible to get all the answers, I am trying to be honest with myself and others about the things that I do not understand. I think the attendance and attendance with the people I love, even when it is difficult, is the best thing I can do – such as when my two sons have a sensual collapse and sit with him until he stops screaming, or when I have a husband and a dispute, stay in the room and work on it.

It is equally difficult, I allow – often – forced – myself to witness moments of beauty – like how my younger son still loves to climb to my bed every morning and press my body folds. I know that these moments are passing.