How JD Vance’s policies are failing survivors

On the morning of our divorce, my husband wasn’t upset at all. In typical “rolling” fashion—the term I used to describe his belief that he could always manipulate his way into getting what he wanted—he approached me as I walked toward the courtroom doors.

“You don’t have to do this, sweetheart,” he pleaded, like a final love scene from a rom-com. But this time I didn’t fall in love with it.

“Yes, I do,” I replied coldly. “And I will.” Then I entered the courtroom and finalized our divorce.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t give it a second chance – I did. He’s already gotten a second, third, fourth and more, because that takes an average abuse victim Seven attempts Before they leave forever. It’s part of the “spiral of abuse”: When perpetrators are so intent on power and control, they will do everything in their power to lure you back every time you try to escape. Trust me, they can be very convincing.

One time, my ex took me to a luxury hotel and presented me with a 10-page document detailing how he was going to change. Another time, he begged me to return to marriage counseling with a new specialist (our fourth). Then came the time he withdrew all the money from our joint bank account, leaving me stranded. I’ll never forget the moment the bank teller printed out the statement to prove it. “I’m sorry, ma’am, the balance is zero,” she said as the room spun, and I thought I might pass out.

My therapist urged me to leave, a marriage counselor broke protocol and privately warned me not to stay any longer, and my divorce lawyer sent me straight to a local shelter for abused women. But for victims, it takes resources like money, a place to stay, safety for your children, and a support network to make what often seems impossible possible. I had to hoard money here and there, and get cash back on grocery purchases, before I could break free.

I was fortunate that I had the option to leave my marriage. Before Ronald Reagan legalized no-fault divorce in 1969 during his term as governor of California, every state required couples to prove “fault” to get a divorce. After California, other states followed suit, with New York being the last in 2010. Thanks to no-fault divorce laws, I was able to leave my marriage without the additional barriers of having to prove infidelity, drug or alcohol abuse, abandonment, or infidelity. Intolerable cruelty, mental illness, or my husband is imprisoned. Without a no-fault divorce, many women would fall into the same trap of domestic hell that I experienced.

There is a growing movement among self-described “pro-family” conservatives who want to do away with no-fault divorce. Some have complained, as has Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance In comments made in 2022that people have become accustomed to “swapping pairs like they’re changing underwear,” which has led to “a lot of very real family dysfunction that makes our children unhappy.” (Despite his criticism, Vance has introduced no legislation to end no-fault divorce.) House Speaker Mike Johnson, a Republican from Louisiana, He called no-fault divorce a “scheme” and blamed it on the “completely immoral society” in our country. In 2016, it is He gave a sermon Criticism of dissolution processes without error for undermining religious foundations.

In 2023, the Louisiana Family Forum, a conservative nonprofit group whose stated mission is to “promote the well-being, health and safety of Louisiana families,” supported the state Republican Party there for Consider the decision to reinstate the wrongful divorce. In Oklahoma, pastor and state senator Dusty Devers He introduced a bill that would end no-fault dissolutions. GOP platforms in Nebraska and Texas also propose ending no-fault divorce.

Men’s rights groups such as the National Center for Men support the movement, Explained on his website: ““No error” Divorce has become a disaster, especially for men, because most separations are initiated by women.” This is correct 69% of divorce cases It is raised by women. It is also true that nearly a quarter of divorces — 24% — Mention domestic violence as a reason.

As a divorce coach who now helps battered women across the country assess their resources, strategize and create a plan to get to safety, I know that canceling a no-fault divorce is dangerous and irresponsible. It would make women jump through more hurdles by requiring them to “prove” that they have the right to leave. It would also exacerbate the broken family court system that many call the “playground of abusers.” Coercive controllers have a playbook, and using our legal system as a weapon against their wives to destroy them financially, physically, and emotionally is part of it.

The process of proving “fault” can be very difficult, not to mention time-consuming, expensive, stressful and conflicting. Many abusers are manipulators with second phones and hidden accounts; They often turn the tables on the victims, even calling the police to claim that their partners have been attacked they. Their immediate response is denial, denial, denial. Proving “fault” is an uphill battle for all victims, especially when perpetrators often have greater financial power.

“The government must do everything it can to support victims and survivors on their journey to a life free of abuse, rather than creating additional barriers that put them and their families at greater risk,” said Ruth Glynn, chair and former chair of Survivor Justice Action. CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “Eliminating no-fault divorce will only encourage abusive spouses to use another tool to exert control and further abuse and harass their partner.”

Through my work, I know hundreds of women who have gone through this. “My ex-husband threatened to kill me and pinned me to my bed in front of our kids,” Cindy, who did not want her real name used, told me. “When I went to call 911, he said, ‘Go ahead and call the police.’ Do you think they’ll really believe you?'” Cindy’s divorce continued For more than three years. Her husband controlled all the money, which is common because financial exploitation is an essential part of coercive control.

Eliminating a no-fault divorce would be devastating not only to the female victims, but to their children as well.

“I had a documented case of child abuse, including four felony counts and violations of restraining orders, but the judge and other professionals were still pressuring him to get 50-50 custody,” she said. “Without a no-fault divorce, it would just get worse.” “, adding that the abusers would have more power if the woman was forced to stay married.

Research demonstrates the benefits of flawless melting.

“Restricting access to divorce will lead to a range of worse outcomes,” said Justin Wolfers, a professor of public policy and economics at the University of Michigan. 2003 study He and Betsey Stevenson, an economics professor at the University of Michigan who served as chief economist under former President Barack Obama, showed that changes in divorce law that increased access to divorce led to declines in domestic violence, suicide and spousal homicide for women.

“If the husband is abusive and we are in the world of a fully consenting divorce (requiring consent from both sides), then that means the wife will be trapped in that situation forever,” Wolfers said.

This appears to be exactly what some conservatives want. Right-wing commentators like Steven Crowder and Matt Walsh have been vocal about them Contempt for no-fault divorce. After a Leaked video clip After Crowder’s scolding and reprimanding of his wife for being “disciplined” went viral, Crowder declared on his podcast, “I was going through what was increasingly becoming a horrible divorce…No, it wasn’t my choice. My then-wife decided she didn’t want to be married anymore, and that’s permissible Right in the state of Texas.”

Let’s hope that doesn’t change. I believe that being able to get a divorce is a human right.