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As someone who works to set healthy boundaries, I can tell you that it doesn’t always come easy. If you’re like me, you may find it especially difficult to know how to respond right away. Like, what do you say to a co-worker’s aggressive questions or a relative’s controversial opinions???
So when 33-year-old Border coach Kami Orange (@kami_orange) Her popular “Boundary Statements” series started popping up on my For You page, and I was immediately hooked by her little, practical tips for keeping boundaries kind and firm.
In this series, Cami shares 40 of her favorite boundary phrases that she teaches her clients so they have a script ready the next time someone gets too personal or says something problematic. in This videowhich has been viewed more than 1.5 million times, talks about the phrase, “Well, that’s a weird thing to say out loud,” as a possible response to someone expressing offensive opinions.
in video “Not all statements are appropriate for all situations or for all people,” she explains. “In my experience working with mostly white clients in the Midwest or Rocky Mountain region of the United States, about 70% of people when they encounter someone saying something are racist, fat-phobic, hateful.” For gay people, it’s just a problem in general, they don’t say anything because they don’t know what to say, so having a line like, ‘What a weird thing to say out loud,’ is better than saying nothing.”
She continues, “If you’re someone who’s really comfortable with asserting their boundaries, and your reaction to this is, like, ‘That’s really negative, just tell them to go away or whatever.’ That’s not the right phrase for you. Like I said, not all phrases are appropriate.” “For all people.”
in Another videoshe shares five boundary phrases people can use to shut down overly personal questions. These phrases range from gentle responses like “Why do you ask?” to tougher responses like: “This is a sensitive topic for me. Let’s talk about something else.” Other videos offer tips for fending off physical comments, dealing with hecklers, and more uncomfortable situations.
In the comments, people share their appreciation for these texts and how they plan to use them:
Others share more boundary phrases they personally like to use:
“I define ‘boundary’ as a conveyed expression of what is acceptable and what is not,” Cami told BuzzFeed. “A fence on a property line is a physical boundary. A shake of the head ‘no’ is a non-verbal boundary. A sentence that expresses what is acceptable and what is not.” “Unacceptable is a borderline phrase.”
“I collect boundary statements and currently have over 350 unique ones. There are many ways to say something is not okay. For example, if your coworker brings up your weight, you could say, ‘Please don’t comment on my body,’ or ‘I “I’m not receiving comments about my body at this time,” or “You don’t know me well enough to say something like that.”
But she says the most effective boundary statements will vary from person to person. “Different people are comfortable with different ways of stating their boundaries. I encourage my clients to use whatever feels most natural to them.”
Cami also says she hears from a lot of people who worry about how others will react when they hear a boundary statement. “I often get asked what I call ‘magic boundary words,’ which are scripts to set firm boundaries that don’t make anyone upset.”
“Unfortunately, there are no magic words! There is no perfect way to say something to prevent others from having feelings about it. My focus is on what I can control: communicating in the kindest, most direct way possible.”
But she says there’s one phrase she wishes people would stop saying. “One of the things that bothers me is when my clients say, ‘I’m bad with boundaries.’ No! Please don’t say that! You’re new, uncomfortable, or need more support with your boundaries. When you say, ‘I’m bad with boundaries’ “This makes it difficult to practice setting boundaries because people don’t want to do things they are ‘bad’ at!”
For more, follow Cammy on Tik Tok.
