A mono -marriage woman, a non -Monogamos man: Relationship advice

Note: The names have been changed for privacy.

I met him on the food. I was busy with motherhood and work and I was not really looking for a serious relationship. His personal file was directed. The Majdal glimpsed to bohemian energy that I imagined to tame my excessive mentality. In every picture, smile as if he loved life more than anyone I knew at all. There was also an atmosphere of ambiguity in his profile: a picture of the colored elephant puzzle, missing one piece. I knew that there should be a reason for the lost puzzles and you needed to find out what it was. I couldn’t wait to learn more about Kazavier.

And discover more I did. Xavier, as it turned out, deliberately leaves one piece of each puzzle as a reminder that there is always more work to do. He paint paintings on the walls of his apartment, runs 50ks, and takes architecture lessons for fun. He can read “Catullus 5” in Latin with memory and drive his car to Philadelphia, Bennsylvania just to be in the city where his favorite football team competes. It is intense and intentional with everything he does, however he also has energy that cannot flow with the flow. It was achieved by directing others. He has a strange appreciation for those who say yes instead of yes, and he loves the cat’s high -maintenance cat like his son.

Somewhere along the way, I also discovered that it was not monoogamos. By that time, I was madly loved, however I was, and I undoubtedly a unilateral woman in nature and choice. To be in a committed relationship with one man who meets me. I do not find myself, I hope that I can determine the dating of other men. I do not feel that my needs did not meet. I do not dream of being single again. Kazavier does not feel the same way. He knows that he is not Monogamos and does not apologize for that. So the disclosure of problems, and left. The decision was easily felt. Emotional pain? Not much.

We have not spoken months ago. Every day it was painful for me. I did all the right things – the gym and treatment hall and spoke frankly with anyone listening. I wrote about that. I wrote about it. While I treated it, he hit me like a ton of bricks: the same reason that makes me love this man is the exact reason that we cannot be together. It is not like others. It does not follow the rules of society. It requires intense motivation. I love him because he is strange and dynamic and does not fit. Of course, it is not monoogamus!

It started logically for me. I sat with this awareness for weeks, ask, Can I really accept this? Can I love him – and all? Without any conditions? I came to believe that I could not ask him to be unilateral because even I He agreed to be inappropriate. With this awareness, everything began to feel a little lighter for me, and in the end we talked. Explain his lifestyle. Tell me the reasons that cannot adhere to one woman. I admired his sincerity and weakness. Whatever he says at that moment, it is logical to me. It seemed beautiful.

I said, “I can do it, I can be in a relationship with you as long as I never feel that I am one of the many.” Because when I was with him, I always felt the only woman in his life; And my life felt the most beautiful 10 times with him.

We have been in an unlimited and unconventional relationship since then. Most of these four and a half years were easy and beautiful. There are times when our connection is healthier than anything you have ever passed. When we are at risk, honest, respectful and ripe. When we show and receive love well and put our arrogance aside. When I think what we have is the most special, unique and sincere relationship, and when I think the non -monojami, it is paradoxically responsible for all this. Because it requires such strong and open communication and because the jealousy of other women has decreased, knowing that no one can take it away from me. I know he loves me.

At other times, it is painful such as the first separation. Jealousy crawls, instead of talking about it, I influence it. I pretend I am fine, but I am not. I feel stuck because my options are life without him and life with a non -Monogamus for him, and sometimes I still want a single marriage.

I can’t photograph life without it. I love him exactly as it is. I am grateful for our unconventional relationship. You taught me how to communicate. The value of honesty and the art of talking about my truth has taught me. You taught me to address the conflict without raising my voice, receiving names and blame. He taught me to love without restriction or condition, and to accept another person just as it is even if it does not fit my expectations. I am not sure of what is the next for us, but it may be the elephant’s puzzle that is now sitting on a table for me an important idea: there is always a work to do.

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