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A parent’s job is not to protect their child from life’s challenges guide them — providing support and tools help them thrive in hard times.
as a child life specialist and therapistI have worked with thousands of children and families dealing with illness, trauma, grief and loss. I have seen words and actions that show that a child is learning to deal effectively with life’s inevitable difficulties.
It’s not about staying calm or avoiding tears. It is the use of strategies and skills to manage, cope with and reduce stress when it arises. That’s why children cope well they tend to have a high emotional intelligence. They identify feelings and use positive emotion management strategies.
Listen to these six things you might hear kids with high emotional intelligence say:
1. ‘It’s okay to be sad’
Children with high emotional intelligence probably do trusted adults who have taught them that it’s okay to cry and that all feelings are okay.
They know that it is natural to feel sad, angry, frustrated or worried in response to difficult situations. By the same token, they’ve learned that it’s okay to have happy, joyful, or playful moments even in tough times.
2. “I need some space”
Children with healthy coping skills can recognize and manage their emotions. They know the warning signs—rapid thoughts, rapid heartbeat, tense muscles, or a knot in the stomach—and feel comfortable asking for what they need.
Maybe their”corner to face” To give them time and space to use pre-planned tools. For example, they can pick up a pinwheel or blow bubbles to help with deep breathing.
Most likely, these skills were learned by parents who modeled self-regulation and open communication.
3. ‘Are you okay?’
Emotionally intelligent kids can do it recognize emotions in othersalso They understand that both adults and children can have strong feelings during difficult times, and that everyone copes differently.
They may be the first to admit it the friend he’s upset, he might need space or a hug and that’s okay.
Empathy for others comes naturally and they show ease and comfort in listening to others’ perspectives, respecting their needs and working together.
They understand that even if their parents are emotional, they can be loved, cared for and safe.
4. “I don’t like…”
Children who have practiced setting boundaries because they tend to have a high emotional intelligence in how they would like to be treated. They will be able to communicate effectively being sensitive to other people’s needs, wants and feelings.
They might say, “I don’t like it when you use my stuff without asking,” or “I don’t like not knowing what to expect.” Or you might hear other statements that start like this:
- “I’m not well…”
- “I don’t want to talk…”
- “I don’t think it’s cute/funny when…”
They are also thoughtful about respecting the needs of their peers and siblings.
5. ‘I made a mistake’
This phrase indicates that a child is self-reflective and shameless. Instead of being afraid to make or admit mistakes, they are able to talk about it and solve problems to improve the situation or circumstance.
They also recognize what they could have done better or differently, because they know that mistakes are what we are grow, learn and develop through challenges.
6. ‘I have an idea’
confidence and creativity they are signs of emotional intelligence and healthy coping in problem solving. Children who have faced difficult situations have learned to work together with their peers and trusted adults to find reasonable solutions or ways forward.
They feel confident in expressing their opinions, ideas and qualities, while listening and learning from others.
When children navigate obstacles and consequences in a safe environment, they can develop decision-making skills and flexibility while also cultivating emotional awareness and self-esteem.
It starts with you
If your kids aren’t saying these things yet, don’t worry. Emotional intelligence and coping skills take time to develop and often start with parents.
Just start saying these things to yourself. Children learn best from what is designed for them.
Kelsey Mora She is a Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides personalized support, guidance and resources to parents, families and communities affected by medical conditions, trauma, grief and the stresses of everyday life. She is a private practice owner, mother of two, creator and author Method workbooksand clinical director of the non-profit organization The Pickles Group.
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