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Since I wrote it viral condition About Fear and Walking a Thousand Miles Alone Across Europe I’ve had many interesting interviews and podcast conversations with men – a hopeful sign. One time, the interviewer, Paul, asked me why I walked long distances. I answered that it gave me a chance to fall in love with a world whose details are stunningly beautiful when I take the time to notice them. I said: “And hilarious.” “People in particular.”
“Fun? What do you mean?” he asked. I paused for a moment to process the fact that he had actually asked me a follow-up question. But he quickly turned to the question everyone was asking: Was I afraid to walk alone? They mean: fear of men. But before I could answer this time, Paul launched into a story of his own:
“Every night at home, I take my dog for a walk, and every night one of my neighbors takes her dog for a walk. Whenever I pass by her, I can tell she gets tougher. “I don’t understand,” he said angrily. “She’s met me before, even With my wife once. “I’m starting to feel a little insulted.”
I heard the unspoken challenge: Aren’t we women taking this a little too far? Didn’t he prove to his neighbor that he meant no harm? Come on – he was one of the good guys. I thought about sighing in disappointment or anger – but before interrupting, he had asked thoughtful questions and wanted me to explain my answers in detail. And he was paying attention. It was an open door, and I chose to walk through it.
“Most assaults I I said, “These experiments were conducted by men I have known for years, and with whom I have been alone several times: my uncle, a university professor, and my doctor.
“They didn’t attack me until they did that,” I said.
“Oh,” he said, the crack in his voice fading away. He then asked me: “What can I do to make things better?”
Because he seemed really open, I decided to go one step further. “Talk to the guys,” I said. “You teach them.”
When I go on a long hike, I aim to be soft, so as to let in the breath-cleansing scent of pine sap baking in the heat, the sound of the wind gathering on its way up a hill, the electric buzz that precedes a crack of lightning on a ridge or a draft of heavy water Dangerously on a river crossing to remind me of how much I live and how much my racing heart is part of the rhythm of the world. I’m alert but unafraid.
Men, don’t miss the real opportunity this long journey provides: a chance to look beyond your own experience and pay attention to the impact of your words and actions. You can show true courage by going where few men have gone before. Ask questions. Listen to our answers and show us some compassion.
Right now, the risks for women couldn’t be higher. If you consider yourself a “good guy,” then alarm bells should be ringing in your head as well. It’s time for you to stand up and pay more attention. Not assaulting women is not enough. It is time for you to bear the burden of educating your brothers, and other “good guys” who think they are getting it but are not. The hill we women have been climbing toward full citizenship has become steeper and more treacherous. We invite men to join us, but they have to start by lifting their own weight.
Leah Page’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Guardian. She is the author of Parenting in the Here and Now (Floris Books, 2015) and is working on another book about caring.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost In December 2024.
