How did we make our marriage for 15 years with one change

Nobody never talks about the embarrassment and uncomfortable, the suggestion of something new with someone you were intimate for more than a decade. You don’t want them to think that you are not satisfied with your current sexual life, and do not want them to look at you just as you have four heads to try something that goes beyond what society considers “natural sex”.

In my dearest friend, I confirmed that he will have ideas to get close to these talks or “exciting suggestions”, as they are called Ian Kerner’s sex processor in Ted interview that I discovered in the search hole. For my amazement, my friend was looking for the same guidance.

This is when I realized: I was not my wife alone. I knew that I had to find a solution.

Soon I found myself talking about sex and intimacy with anyone listening. These discussions were held for the first time with the friends and colleagues I knew years ago, and to see even the most important people who are in their heads in the agreement.

We wiped 1,000 people in committed relationships and found that 81 % reported a decrease in the intimate relationship during the first two years of being together. More than anything else, couples wanted to try something new – they only knew how To request this.

And that was when it was clicked: the key to reformulating emotion was not just sex – it was related to heresy.

Our trip to Tel Aviv was open, but the real shift began when we went home. We decided to shake things – not with major gestures, but with small intended options. We started watching the luster together. We tried new games. We threw fingers we played in playing roles. We did not return from our journey and suddenly build a BDSM cell in our house – we found Kink who worked for us. It was not a matter of changing who we were; It was a matter of discovering what made us enthusiastic about each other in the first place.

It looked like a child with a new game – expectation, curiosity, and excitement to try something for the first time. It turns out that this feeling is already supported by science. the College effect The biological phenomenon where the gravitational grandmother ignites – not only applies to new partners. It can apply to a long -term relationship as well, as long as you are ready to go out outside your comfort area.

And the result? We felt more connected, more fun, and more we What we had years ago.

I realized that giving priority to our sexual life was not different from eating properly or exercising. We do not criticize people who are trying new and corresponding exercises (looking at you, HULA-HOOP chapters) after the plateau of fitness results, but for some reason we are ashamed of people who want to try new patterns of sex and intimacy.

The word “kink” carries a lot of shame, but on its essence, it simply means exploring the desires that you may feel guarded or out of the ordinary. For my wife and I, Kink was not related to the radical transformation – it was about opening a conversation, removing fear of judgment and giving priority to intimate familiarity in a way that we had not before.

A recent study I found that 75 % of husbands who are involved in new patterns of intimate relationship-whether Kink, play roles or simply experience something unfamiliar-inform about a more emotionally related feeling of their partners.

The truth is that the routine is the enemy of passion. It is easier to fall asleep in front of Netflix instead of resorting to your partner and says: “Hey, let’s try something different tonight.” But just like starting a new exercise or changing the other lifestyle, intimate relationship flourishes when you have a accountability partner – a completely invested person in keeping the spark alive.

This trip made me realize something bigger: sexual health mental health. Just as the stigma has evolved around the treatment – the transition from something that people whispered to something that many of us are looking for now – the same transformation must occur with the intimate relationship.

One of every four Americans living in A relationship without sex. Another quarter is keen to expand their sexual lives, but he does not know how. We need to normalize these conversations – not only in the privacy of our bedrooms but in our culture as a whole.

If you have learned anything, these relationships do not do that Ownership To fade in the routine. Do not disappear the emotion – it just needs to re -equip it. Sometimes, this spark comes from entering the unknown, adopting a little discomfort and says, “Hey, let’s try something new.”

For us, Kink was not just saving our marriage. It was about the re -discovery of each other and the feeling of contact again. This is something worth fighting for.

Yehudai’s offer is the co -founder and CEO of AriaThe Platform of Wellness, the husbands who are the artificial intelligence. His journey began in entrepreneurship when he participated in the establishment of Innerive and Fyber, which was later integrated and gained by more than $ 700 million. In Aria, he was an inspiration to create the platform after thinking about his marriage, which lasted for a decade and the common challenge that many husbands face about the desire to improve their relationship but do not know where to start. Under his leadership, ARYA received $ 16 million in financing and grew for more than 250,000 users in all American states, with a focus on helping husbands to enhance their prayers by training the intimate relationship that works on behalf and personal recommendations.

This article was originally appeared on HuffPost In July 2025.