Unexpected message after CPR tragedy

When I got out of the building, my lady says, “Nathan, he does not seem to be fine.”

“No, no, no,” tell her.

The dog leads me directly to the dog garden. The sun is bright. The dog is happy. The dog leads me home.

When I go back to an apartment, I look around and ask for myself, What seems outside the place here? The room resulted in any medical waste to throw them. The EMS team seems mostly in an orange bag in the corner of the room. Hold it and fold my neighbor’s pants, which they removed, and put it on his chair. I put its beam carefully on the chair, turn off the TV and take the dog to my apartment. I don’t want to look like a terrible thing that has just happened when the family returns home.

The dog is the only thing that keeps me calm. I am grateful to take responsibility – important to keep me busy. I run TV and sit, and the dog sits on my lap. I wonder if this is a routine for him – if this is what the husband used to do. Dogs compete around and hold one of the socks. There is a lot to inhale it. It makes me laugh, but I immediately wonder why I am able to laugh at this beautiful ignorance after I just went through it. I take a picture of the dog and send it to my Instagram stories with a comment reading, “Emotional support puppy”. Hearts and comments soon rolled, but they do not read.

I invite my managers and tell him that I need to work from home … if you are in a state of work. Two zoom calls later, realize that I cannot, and it seems that none of my work matters. I talk to my editor on the phone about what happened, and tells me, “What you need is a strong drink.” Another workshop calls and addresses his advice: “You need to get out of your apartment and go to a bar.” It means well, but I am newly graceful, and this is the last thing I need. Moreover, the communication is what I feel will not work because I do not feel anything. Why are there no tears?

A few hours later, I received a text message from his wife: “He has gone.”

That poor family – and this poor man, whom I saw several times before in the elevator, but never spoke to him with “I wish you a good day.”

Part of me wishes to have a conversation with him, but we do not do this kind of things in New York City. However, I just did something that his friends and family have never had to do, and I will never do so.

My head begins to spin with a million ideas. If something happens to my father in Florida, is there someone to help and treat him with respect while doing this? Was I more to do for this family? What if you answered the door sooner or did the pressure more difficult?

I want to do it.

Later that day, the daughter comes to my apartment with some friends to pick up a dog.

“You are a hero,” says her friend. I don’t feel one.

“I hope to do more,” tell them.

Another person says: “I did more than you know – you are a family now,” says someone else.

“Oh, I am just the neighbor.”

It seems that the daughter is working well, but I am in a state of chaos. Do I have the right to feel this way? Did they know that this would come? It is not as if he was a friend or family member. Is this why I was very calm? Is this what medical professionals feel? Or is it because I am dealing with high -pressure work and pancakes with panic trying to get news on TV? What will I feel the next time I hear the sirens?

The building in which I live on the upper western side is large and full of many elderly. Emergency vehicles reach the front door at least once a month, and I have never thought about many of them before. It looked like a natural part, although it was clearly sad.

Sometimes, a poster appears indicating the death of a long neighbor in Phana. Will there be one for him? Will I hear soon construction in my neighbor’s apartment while moving from controlling the rent to the market price with the new bright devices and quadruple rent? Is this how I ended up in my place? There is a lot that I have not thought about before, and suddenly all this rushes to my head.

I can’t stop thinking about the man I could not save. The family apartment was covered with jazz stickers – was it for him? What about all these CDs and Vinyl? Is it strange that you want to go to the funeral of a man I have not spoken to before in the hope of learn more about him? Did he have a full life? Was there things that he would never do?

Another neighbor, Kanur, comes to my door and gives me a long hug. She presses her hand on my chest, she says: “I did it well, do you hear me? I have done a good job. I have done a sacred job called Mitzva. I came to you because she trusted you, just as I did before when you needed help.”

Tears come. He held it, but thanks to my delicate neighbor’s words, I can drop my guard.

It gives me its keys so that I can consolidate the simpleists while eating dinner. Helps. While I am dealing with them, my mind continues to rotate. I hope that in his recent moments, I will know that he was surrounded by people who care about him. I hope he feels some dignity. I wonder if he would love me.

I am not sure what I am supposed to do now. Is this the place where the story ends with my neighbors, or is it just a beginning for us? Will I learn his name? I am just the neighbor, I remember myself.

The next day I wake up early. I had difficulty sleeping, and in the middle of the night, a panic attack caused me to imagine that the pillows on my floor were my neighbor. I cannot prevent myself from who I wish I could do more. If the door bell rang twice this morning, I will really be awake. Maybe I will be the fastest day. Perhaps a difference will happen. I don’t know. I will never know.

It has passed twenty -four hours, but it looks like eternal. My life has not changed at all, but at the same time, I am not the same person I was yesterday. I realize the number of people who wake up at this particular moment in a building, in my city, and in this country, and the number of lives that start, advance and end all over the world. I realize, more than ever, how interconnected we are – or we can be so, if we choose to be suddenly or succeed. It makes me want to pay more attention to everything and everyone around me. It makes me want to tell people in my life that I love them. It makes me want to spend more time getting to know the people I see every day but rarely interacts with them.